DATE: Nov-30-2007 / MOOD: Angry

whats with youtube? i mean they keep taking off vids i put on my page then i have to go and put them back up. whats the deal. it makes me so mad. but i guess it doesnt matter 2 much b-cuz i can work my way around them. im a smart girl or at least smarter than them so i will get my vids back up. they just dont know who their dealing with.

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DATE: Oct-10-2007 / MOOD: Happy

OMG!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe it. i am in six degrees magazine. i dont know how many times ive been out and a photographer wants to take a pic for the club or magazine or paper but this is the first time i made it into the magazine. i cant believe it. we always take pics when we go out, i take them, my friends take them, guys we talk to want to take them. i was so surprised 2c myself in a magazine. oh and its online 2 thats where i got the pic on my page from. so cool. i guess i better enjoy it while it lasts. i mean its not like im Paris, Britney, or Lindsey so its probably the only time i will be in a magazine. still its kinda cool. 

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DATE: Feb-13-2007 / MOOD: Other

Valentines day makes me think about all the relationships I've been in and what I learned from them. it also makes me think about how my love life is now and how it might be in the future.

We all have ex's. Some of my ex's I've tried to stay friends with, if the relationship ended on good terms. Sometimes I ended it, other times he ended it but either way it wasn't an easy thing on either of us but we tried to remain friends. One even invited me to his wedding. I have some ex's that I have completely lost contact with. They moved or changed their number. Sometimes I wonder how they are doing and how
things worked out for them. There are still other ex's that I never ever want to see again because the relationship ended badly, his fault of course. Looking back I now know which guys loved me and which ones didn't. I know which ones respected me and which ones didn't. And I know now how I really felt about them. Of course this is all easy to do looking back.

I also think about the relationships I'm in now. Not just the relationship with my guy but with my friends and co-workers. I start watching how they compare to those people in my past and try to figure out which ones I'm likely to still have in my life years from now and which ones will just be  a memory. It makes me wonder which ones are true friends. It also makes me think about if I'm being a good friend to them or if I could be a little bit better. None of this is easy because it's so hard to predict how the relationship will progress or what little thing might ruin an otherwise good relationship. I try not to think too much about this because only time will tell.

Now wondering about the future is a little bit more fun and hopeful. I think about what I really want in a relationship and I have already met my soulmate or if he is still out there somewhere waiting for me to walk into his life. I think about if my current relationship and if both of us are happy and if there is a future that we both want and are both willing to work towards. I wonder if he's happy with me and if I'm really happy with him. After all, I have thought I found the man of my dreams before and it turned out I didn't so how do I know the same thing isn't happening now. Again only time will tell so I can't worry about it, I can just do my best to make things
work because I do love him. And I know he loves me.

I guess the things I learned from my relationships are:

1) If a relationships fails, learn something from it about yourself. Did you expect too much or did the other person do contribute too little?
 
2) Learn what relationships are worth working at and which ones are not. Don't waste your waiting for someone to change and don't change for them. Be yourself!

3) Know when it's over. Working at a relationship is something both people have to do but learn to recognize when it can't be fixed any more.

4) Move on. Don't waste your time trying to rekindle a bad relationship, it just postpones the problem. Find someone new who you can be happy with and who will be happy with you and excepts you as you are.   

5) Don't rest until you have found your true soulmate, your true love, the love of your life. Don't settle for anything less, you're just wasting time.

I hope this blog has helped you the reader learn something. Maybe about relationships, maybe about yourself or maybe just a little bit more about me. In any event have a Happy Valentines Day. 

 

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DATE: Jan-04-2007 / MOOD: Other

2 me music is more than just noise or rithum its the words that speak to me. i like the message the song has, it reminds me of something, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but it makes me think. soemtimes the music speaks to my hart and what id like to say or how i wish i felt. of course its good to dance to to. my music is a reflection of my feelings and maybe the feeling of those who listen to it to.     

 

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DATE: Jan-04-2007 / MOOD: Other

The  Pre-Flop: This is what life deals you. You and only you know what life has delt you and you have to decide what to do with the hand you're delt.

The Flop: Here is the part of your life that everyone around you gets to see. Your looks, style, personallity, etc. You may also share some of these qualities with those around you.

The Turn: This is some event that gives you an option, sort of a fork in the road. It could help you or not help you or hurt you. But one thing is for sure, it has made a change in the game of life.

The River: The last card and a last chance to make something of your life. This is the event which determines who is a winners and who is a loser.

Of course it not all that simple. Along the way you have 'limits' mostly but sometimes there are 'no limits'. 'Calling' is like just trying to keep pace with those around you. And sometimes you just need a break, to gather your thoughts, in poker terms, you 'check'. Then there are the times maybe with a career or relationship you just need to cut your losses and 'fold'. Or maybe things are going great and you are confident and you 'raise' the stakes. And if you really feel things are going your way maybe to take the risk of 'going all in'.

The final piece is knowing who you are dealing with in life. Some people will try to 'bluff' you. Sometimes they will seem of less of a threat or more of a threat. If you can read their body language and learn their 'tell' you may find it helps you make the right decision.

So, are you ready to play?  

 

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